apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
