Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
