dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wear drunk well.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
