He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
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she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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