you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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