Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
