My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
