I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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