i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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