oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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