Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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