but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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