he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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