he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
