All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
