I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she looked like the before picture.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
