glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize