woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
