I looked at my own cervix.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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