yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
and she was petting her beer can
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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