you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
