He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
