he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
