i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
