i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize