so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
