i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
