you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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