Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
