If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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