i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You can't motorboat a personality
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
