you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
