im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
