How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
