waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
