I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
