It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
