Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
