First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
