marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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