Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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