I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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