you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
