is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
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So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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