my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
