So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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