Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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