I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
