bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Porn is love you can see.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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