someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
