just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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