I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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