my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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