Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
