I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
