My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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