Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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