i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
