i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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