Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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