We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
